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Fun Fuckin’ Facts

1. The stoplights in the Seattle area are long enough that you can give yourself a manicure while waiting at them, if you so choose.

2. Some people just really suck at making decent choices in life. 

3. Believe in the power of the good vibes of music. 

4. I think my neighbors are Russian spies. 

My True Calling Does Not Involve Upper-Management Skills

You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just gonna ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.” - Mitch Hedberg

Have you ever thought, “Man, I’m just not cut out for this working shit.”

Because I think that every day I have to show up to a job. It’s not activity or work that I don’t like. It’s schedules. It’s mediocrity, generic time wasting, fake cheeriness, small talk, etc. I really despise having to show up and leave when I’m told — I want to show up when work needs to be done and when I’m good and awake for it - and leave when the work is complete, not finish actual work and then bullshit for 5 more hours.

I have yet to find something I really love.

I have yet to find anything I’m actually good at. Except for, like, cooking and cleaning around the house. And cuddling with animals. I’m also pretty good at making music playlists. And working out.

You can’t make money off any of those things.

And there’s another one of my “problems” (depending on who you ask… a money-driven asshole or a person who values relationships and freetime) — I have never been driven by money. I get by, man. That’s all I need. I’d rather be calm, happy, and free to spend time with people I love than to make a boatload of money doing some bullshit I either hate or don’t care about. And don’t even get me started on management material… there is nothing I would hate more than managing people. I don’t even want to be in charge of what I MYSELF am doing, let alone someone else. 

So, what I’m saying is that I should have been born into royalty. I could spend my days sleeping in, drinking my lunch, and doing charity events and giving boatloads of money to animal rescue funds.

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